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SOME VERY SILLY FOREIGNER'S QUESTIONS:
I have not bothered to include the answers.
Q Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have
never seen it rain on TV, so how do your plants grow? (UK)
Q Will I be able to see elephants in the street?
(USA)
Q Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South
Africa? (Sweden)
Q I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can
I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
Q Can you give me some information about Koala
Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
Q Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
Q Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
Q Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
(USA)
Q Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
Q Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where
the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
Q Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
Q Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
Q Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk
available all year round? (Germany)
Q Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa
who can dispense rattlesnake serum.(USA)
Q I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to
contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
Q Will I be able to speek English most places I
go? (USA)
this site is validated by the world wide
web consortium as shown by this icon on the right
now you go on back to the main page, oki doki van der skokie click
on this *home please*
I got, in the post, a letter from the pension service.
They were writing to tell me how much state pension I would get when I retire.
£77.13 per week.
R871.64 per week.
A really good poem
The Guy in the Glass by Dale
Wimbrow, (c) 1934
When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that guy has to say.
For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,
Who judgement upon you must pass.
The feller whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the guy staring back from the glass.
He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear up to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a
plum,
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
If you've cheated the guy in the glass.
03 July: With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person that almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Kokey",
died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
SOME ADVICE ON WHAT TO EAT:
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular
exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's
it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying
you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat
and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does
a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak
is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables
to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source
of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you
100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol
intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy
is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity
bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made
out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat
ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat,
your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two
to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages
of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy
is: No Pain...Good!!!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for
you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!! Foods are fried these days
in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting
more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent
me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa Beans ... another
vegetable!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your
figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales
to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important
for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!"
Here's a little something to think about::::: What is the speed of darkness?
Aussie Tracker
An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the
Top End.
On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian
Aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the
sea.
The Americans were incredulous.
Later in the day the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered,
lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine.
He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held
high in the air.
The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the
prostrate Aborigine.
"Jacky," said the tour guide, "what are you tracking
and what are you listening for?"
The aborigine replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971
Valiant Ute. It's red. The left front tyre is bald. The front end is
out of whack and it has dents in every panel.
There are 9 blackfellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There
are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat."
The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed
knowledge.
"Good heavens man, how do you know all that?" asked one.
The Aborigine replied, "I fell out of the bloody thing about half
an hour ago."
TRUE BUT USELESS STATISTICS:
*approximately 5 people die every year
in Tokyo while bowing to other people
*a young robin can eat 14 feet of earthworms
a day
*a cockroach a can live several weeks without
a head, but will eventually die of starvation
*lobsters can move through the water at
a speed of 25 feet per second
*tomato sauce in Italy contains no more
than five ingredients
*mosquitios don't bite, they stab
*the bactrian camel is the only mammal
that can survive on salt water
*the world's grasshopper population tends
to rise and fall in 9.2 year cycles
*vampire bats don't suck blood, they drink
it
| voetsek joke: a man goes into a library and asks for a book on suiside. the librarian takes one look at him and says "voetsek, who's gonna bring it back?" |
a scool boy beat a girl in classroom one day. she cried and ran to the princeple's office to report the boy. the concerned principle asked: "what's the matter my child?" the girl replied: "matter is anything that occupies space and mass." |
em, what shall we be wrangling on about today?
the weather: that's getting colder here. dark at about 4pm. it's called
winter.
it's the "d" words today!
dam besides it
been a barrier for holding water, it is also: mother of an animal
delinquent a person
guilty of persistent law-breaking. so you can get a fu...ng clever delinquent
then!
dipthong compound
vowel sound (au in laud). is this interesting? I know your loving this.
digitalis heart
stimulant prepared from foxglove leaves.
dromedary camel
with one hump, bred for riding. so a camel with two humps? it's just
a camel.
duodecimal reckoned
in twelves or twelfths. hey?
dulcimer musical
instrument with strings struck by two hammers. gosh, these musicians
are crazy.
dude dandy, fellow.
dude ranch: used as a holiday center.
come on girls, lets go!
a delinquent dude driven by a dam dromedary doing
a duodecimal in dipthong with his dulcimer!
some advice:
1.never under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
2.never lick a steak knife.
a silly saying:
a skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk
the skunk stunk.
today we will peruse the words starting with c:
caddy small box
for tea. (honestly, that's all it says in the dictionary)
cannibalize use
parts from (a machine) to repair another. eh! I know what you were thinking
- human flesh.
canon member of
cathedral clergy. general rule or principle. set of writings accepted
as genuine.
is this dictionary crap, or is my english up the poop scoop.
champ munch (eat)
noisily. show impatience. no, no it's not short for the victorious champion.
cloakroom room
where outer garments can be left, often containing a lavatory.
they say there is a fine line between "hobby"
and "mental illness".
try this: open the dictionary anywhere, in the kitchen, in
the bedroom, your neighbor's garden, anywhere.
choose a word! maybe you don't want to, or you don't have a dictionary,
so just look at the ones I picked out.
good web design nonsense:
they say to do a good web site the person has to let the visitor (that's
you) know a little about ones self.
well, you know me already. if you don't, then tuff. I don't know you
and this is not a professional web site.
my name speaks for itself (if you say it out load). am I male or female?
ah ha, that is the question (for those who don't know)
then there is my hobbies, what I like to eat, my favourite what-sits
and the colour of my eyes.
I'm a real person, occasionally I fancy myself as a moron. those that
know me seem ok with that.
they also say a good web site has regular updates,
so here goes:
words starting with "b":
bolster long pad
placed under a pillow. why? for support, to prop up.
BSE bovine spongiform
encephalopathy (cattle disease). now you are educated.
bumptious conceited.
too much pride in one self. oh, like arse-holes.
boater a flat-topped
straw hat. I want one. maybe it looks like a mini raft on your head.
bishopric It's
not what you think. It's the diocese (a district) of a bishop.
bore tidal wave
in an estuary. yes, it also means weary by dullness.
schizophrenia: mental disorder in which a person is unable to act or
reason rationally. nothing like me then.
nitwit: stupid person. I'm saying nothing to that one.
words starting with "a".
akimbo with hands
on hips and elbows pointed outwards. (so it's not necessarily a dance
from the country of a riva riva and it definitely does not mean legs
in the air when fallen down drunk.)
ameliorate make
or become better. (so it's the opposite of obliterate. try it in a sentence,
it just does not sound right.)
abbess head of
a community of nuns. (not abyss: a very dark chasm.)
alpaca lama with
long wool/ clothes made from this. (well how about that. you learn something
new everyday.)
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